Over whelming tears

Have you every had one of those days that your so happy to see the sun set??  And not because it was a horrible day but just because you are emotionally spent??  I think my yesterday was that way.  lol  Always something going on in my busy little head~thoughts are always swirling around~bouncing back and forth.  But when everyone had gone to bed and I had a few quite moments where the only voices I heard were my own I was just spent.  I stood looking in the mirror and tears streamed down my cheeks.......and there was no reason for these tears.  They just all built up and poured down my hot cheeks~as I stood there in the mirror and just let the gaits open I was surprised to see how good it felt to just break down........I read this on Facebook and thought it was fitting: 
     Did you know the people that are the strongest are usually the most sensitive? Did you know the people who exhibit the most kindness are the first to get mistreated? Did you know the one who takes care of others all the time are usually the ones who need it the most? Did you know the 3 hardest things to say are I love you, I'm sorry, and Help me. Sometimes just because a person looks happy, you have to look past their smile and see how much pain they may be in. 

I can say that is mainly true in my world.  I care too much about what people think of me~why do you think I put on such a "put together" outside look??  I am insecure on the inside hoping that if people see someone who is put together on the outside they might not see the blubbering mess on the inside.  I wish I could be a throw on a pair of jeans and go mom~but the truth is I am materialistic~I care what other people think.  I would give my left arm to help out a friend~but would never ask for any help in return~afraid of being rejected.  I am a fragile messed up gal.......people who love me have no idea who the real me is on the inside.  I do think the hardest words and the ones I have spoken the least in my life are " I love you", "I'm sorry", and "Help me."  The fear of rejection is always there in my mind.

So sometimes I think that just sitting down and having a good old fashion eye rubbin' cry fest is the way to go.  I generally try to have those moments in the shower so no one is around~but I guess when the moment hits you it just does.  Emotions are funny in the way they just don't care where you are~they just GO!!  I know I was sitting in church watching the my girls approach in angel costumes for the Christmas program and tears just over whelmed my entire body, there was no stopping them.  I had no idea as to why at that very moment in CHURCH I was crying as my girls sang but it was a moment.  

Not sure if my post yesterday was the reasons behind my tears last night~could have been~fear takes over our bodies and just builds up until we release it.  For me it's either screaming or crying.  lol  I would like to take a personal moment and thank each and everyone of you who take the time out of your lives and read my nonsense!!  Writing for me is a release~a way to let it all go.  Not that it's going to take me anywhere but I hope that even if you take one tiny thing away as you go~I hope that you at least think about your life.  Think about the last time you just let go.....I need to do that more.  I need to just let go and have faith that someone somewhere will catch me........or I will fall.  And even if I fall I promise you that I will get back up and dust myself off and walk on.  Nothing can keep me down.